Title: Two Things That Never Happened To Oz

Author: Misha
Rating: NC-17 for m/f and m/m sex, violence
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Spoilers: Inca Mummy Girl, Phases, The Wish.

Pairing: Oz/Willow/Devon, Oz/Larry

Summary: Things that might have happened to Oz, but didn’t
Length: 1500 words
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. own the universe and characters. I’m just playing with them.
Author’s Note: Acknowledgments: To Basingstoke, whose Smallville story "Five Things That Aren't True" started this whole thing; to Kita, who issued the challenge; and to all the great writers who answered this challenge. Song lyrics: “Shadows” by Dingoes Ate My Baby (Four Star Mary).

Feedback: Relished at mishamcm@livejournal.com

Copyright (c) January 2003 Misha

1 -- Shadows

_She’s in ecstasy/Her hollowed sky/Pours down heavenly/Fakes desire_

“Devon missed rehearsal again, Oz.”

I was hooking up cables, so I didn’t look up. “Yep.”

“Sound check’s supposed to be in ten. Think he forgot the gig altogether?”

“Could be.”

“What if he doesn’t show up?”

“Then the audience will just have to listen to the instruments.” I looked up at the drummer. “Which could blow our cover. They think we’re a band.”

“Very funny.”

“You still playing with the amps, Oz?” Devon asked. I hadn’t heard him enter.

“Speak of the Devon.” I looked up. She was with him, as usual.

Now I have to admit, it surprised me when Devon started dating her. Not that she isn’t attractive, or doesn’t know how to fill a blouse. I was bowled over when I first saw her. She has this cute omniscient innocent smile that renders me speechless. Granted, one could argue that speechless Oz isn’t all that different from vanilla Oz. Replace ‘speechless’ with ‘total brain lock.’ It’s just that Devon usually waits for the social hierarchy to crown a queen before he notices she’s hot.

“Hey guys.” She smiled. “Hey, Oz.”

Like I said, total brain lock. It probably didn’t take ten minutes for me to come up with the witty reply, “hey,” but it felt like it.

_I’ve been living here/In the red/I’ve been feeling I’m/Dead again_

I’d just battened down the last of the gear and closed up the van. Usually the rest of the Dingoes have scattered by the time I’ve declared the electronics wagon ready to roll. This time I turned to find Devon grinning like a Cheshire cat. Except for him still being visible, of course. Unlike hers, his smile doesn’t blot out the rest of the universe.

“You don’t have to leave right away, do you?” she asked, firing off another smile. I mumbled something which seemed incoherent to me, but I think they were actual words.

She turned and headed back into the Bronze. “Hang with us.”

Devon and I both watched her walk inside. Apparently I’m not the only one who was transfixed until she disappeared through the door. Devon sidled up to me, his grin turned up an octave.

“Dude, she wants you to _join us_.”

Okay, here’s where the trouble starts. Anybody else, it could have been an innocent invitation to hang out. Devon, however, is single _entendre_ to the core. And I could tell it wasn’t his idea.

So here’s my quandary: I’m by no means 100% opposed to sex with a guy. But I could be as gay as Starsky and Hutch before I’d choose Devon. He’s not a bad person, but not what I’d consider dating material. And it was bad enough being smitten with his girlfriend and suffering in silence. This was _so_ a bad idea.

But as I mentioned, there’s her smile. So I found myself offering no resistance as Devon ushered me inside.

She was sitting on the speaker on the left side of the stage. Her skirt – did I mention she was wearing this short leather skirt – was hiked up a few inches further, and she wasn’t wearing anything underneath. Imagination not required. For the benefit of those with less than no imagination, she had one leg wrapped around a mike stand.

And believe it or not, her smile still made it all seem innocent.

_Since the time we left ourselves/Half past gone/We’ve been living here/Up against the red_

It gets kind of blurry. Next thing I know I’m flat on my back. He’s kneeling to my right, pulling up my shirt. She’s got her right leg wrapped around my left calf as she fiddles with my zipper. Of course, I spring out already hard. She gives me another smile, as if to say, “For me? What a nice surprise!” Then she wraps her mouth around my cock, and I discover a whole new level of brain lock.

Devon’s tongue is licking in circles around my right nipple. I feel vibrations as if he’s laughing. I’m bucking as if my life depended on it, and she seems determined to pull me over the edge as quickly as possible. As usual, she’s impossible to deny, and I pour myself into her.

She raises her head. Her smile still looks innocent, even with my cum dripping from one corner of her mouth.

Then it gets weird.

The universe sort of folds up like origami and reopens in a different formation. Her face is now horribly warped, her eyes yellow, her teeth fangs, and it’s my blood dripping from the corner of her mouth. And Devon is laughing aloud.

Then there’s a whistling through the air, a thud, and Devon explodes into dust. She snarls and backs away as someone shoves a cross in her face. The librarian is loading up a crossbow. A _crossbow_. She disappears out the door before he can get a shot off.

Somebody’s patting my face, asking if I’m okay. All I can say, not as a question, not even with a hint of surprise, just a simple declarative, is “Willow’s a vampire.”

2 – Boys’ Club

A mere twelve hours earlier, as Oz finished his morning coffee and the newspaper, it had looked to be an uneventful day – nothing in the paper suggested daylight evil would be afoot. He had been looking forward to resting up before white-hatting time. Why let the whole hell-on-earth thing ruin your whole day.

Then he opened his front door. His cousin Jordy was standing alone on his doorstep, his face shell-shock pale, bloodstains on his clothing, refusing to say anything except, “Mommy said you’d look after me.”

And now, as the daylight faded, Oz and Larry prepared to stand guard for the night, while Giles and Nancy handled patrolling.

Larry looked up as Oz came down the stairs. “He asleep?”

Oz nodded.

“Man. Poor kid. Still no word from his parents?”

“Their phone’s still out. Beer?”

“Thanks, Oz.”

They sat on the couch, drinking in silence, watching the sunlight fade.

“Look, Oz, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”

“Shoot.”

“I feel kinda weird talking about it. It hardly seems important, what with us running around every night fighting vampires.”

“Like the Mayor says, life as usual, man. At least during daylight.”

“Yeah, well the four of us have been through a lot. You guys have saved my life more times than I can count.”

“Same here.”

“They say near-death experiences change you. Make you see things you hadn’t consciously noticed before.”

“Last week. Not breathing usually counts as one of those.”

“Exactly, Oz! Man, good thing Nancy knows CPR. But what I mean is, after she revived me, I realized something, and I’ve been thinking.”

“About being gay.”

Larry gave a double-take. “You knew?”

“Just since last week. You were acting different. Two and two together, y’know.”

“You never let on.”

“Well, I’m good at math.”

“I was so afraid how you guys would react. So you weren’t uncomfortable?”

“Hey, no big. What’s a little scary life secret among vampire-killing compadres?”

“Man, Oz, you don’t know how relieved I am.” Larry paused, his smile dimming a bit. “But the thing is, it’s a little more than that. When I opened my eyes and saw Nancy giving me mouth-to-mouth, I kinda, um, wished it was you.”

“Huh.”

“You’re not freaked, are you?”

“No, Larry. I mean, you know what they say about musicians. Wild side and all. I’m not, like, 100% on the straight and narrow.”

“But didn’t you and Nancy…?”

“Well, yeah, but not serious. With what we do, we both figured we should keep it light. Totally for the comfort, ease the tension, you know? More could get complicated.”

“Yeah, right, I getcha.” Another pause. “So, mostly, but not 100%?”

“Yeah.”

“But me?”

“Well, Larry, you’re like my best bud. Like I said, with what we do, gotta watch out for complications.”

Larry inched slightly further away on the couch, speaking slowly. “Oh, yeah, sure. I understand.”

“That’s not what I mean, Larry. I have thought about you, that way. I just want to make sure you’re aware, fun and frolics, but it can’t jeopardize the gig.”

Larry brightened. “Really? With me?”

Oz gave him the slightest smile. Larry leaned towards him.

Just as their lips touched, something dropped down from above, splitting the coffee table in two. It was hairy and strong. If Oz and Larry hadn’t spent so much time training, the swipe of its claws would have gutted them before they could roll out of the way. Larry was on his feet in a split, but all he had on him was a stake and a cross, and this was no vampire. Oz came up a second later, armed with crossbow.

“Back off.”

To Oz’s surprise, the monster obeyed, just staring at him. He recognized those eyes. Before he could think of his next move, the beast was out the window. By the time Larry reached the window, it was nowhere in sight.

“Damn, that thing’s fast. You’d better head upstairs and check out the kid.”

“Not necessary. That werewolf was Jordy.”